Archive for the ‘REESIE’S WORLD’ Category
Dear God knows who ā Ā Where are you? I hope that wherever you are in your life right now, you’d be better off finding me. I am telling you, I could use your help too, and not just to save me from cockroaches, reach things on the top shelf or make me feel safe at night. I’ve tried to be one of those super career women, but in all honestly, in my heart, nothing could be more satisfying than to fulfill my God-given role as your “helpmate,” your wife. My dreams and interests are everywhere. I have too many. But I know in my heart, you see the big picture in your life. You know how you want to make a difference, and you have a passion and purpose that I’m going to believe in too and help you achieve. If not, I know I will see in you wonderful things that you have yet to discover.
You know, I think there’s a reason why we’re still not together right now. Maybe it’s me because to be frank, I just haven’t gotten my stuff together. My ducks in a row. I’m just not quite there yet, not yet your dream woman. I really believe that the right woman at the wrong time is still the wrong woman. And right now, I’m still wrestling with issues, things I really don’t want you to have to deal with. So until then, I hope you are waiting patiently for me and getting ready to be mine as well. Remember, first and foremost, that love is patient. This is a lesson I am taught every single day.
You know, I fear many things. That’s an issue I’m trying to deal with right now. I’m afraid that I’ll be more into you than you are into me or that you’ll be more into me than I am into you. Some women think that’s the safest way to go: finding a guy who is way more into them than they are him. But I don’t want to sacrifice desire for security. Why can’t things be equal? I want to be with a guy who knocks the socks off my feet just as much as I make him dizzy with desire. I’m afraid because I think I’m asking for too much. I know I’m asking for way more than I deserve, but hey, isn’t that the theme of salvation, receiving by grace for what we don’t deserve? I’m not saying I want you to be perfect. I hope you’re not expecting me to be either. On this earth, perfect is boring and unreal. I don’t want perfection. I just want someone perfect for me. And I know you are out there; I know you are looking for me and I’m just hopelessly optimistic that you are real.
I really hope you aren’t too into movies and TV because our story won’t be like Hollywood’s happy endings. That’s the problem, Hollywood makes movies that end but I’m here for the long haul. I’m here to commit to the life after “happily ever after.” I know my appearance matters to you, and I’ll do my best to keep my house in order. The body is a temple after allā¦but I can’t help but grow insecure with what Hollywood keeps dishing up. I am no Mila Kunis! And I’m afraid I can’t compete with all those airbrushed women so I’m hoping you prefer the real, imperfect, tender, gentle, lovable three dimensional woman that I am, instead of the perfect, fake, one dimensional woman Hollywood portrays. You can put her on your screen saver or on your wall but I’m the one who’ll keep you warm at night (and steal your covers! LOL!)
There are a lot of pretty women out there and it may seem hard to figure out who I am in that crowd. Please stop trying to settle for someone you can live with. You see, I’m the girl you don’t want to live without. I’m the girl you might not notice at first glance but if you look close enough, you’ll see a pure heart, a heart that is loyal, a heart so beautifulā¦and that’s the kind of beauty that won’t fade. It’s the kind of beauty that is warm and inviting, one that will inspire and bring you closer to your dreams. There are so many external beauties out there, I hope you can see beauty through a different lens as well. One that also notices a soulful beauty. When you notice that beauty, you’ll know it’s me because you’ll be captivated. I hope to be a divinely delivered slice of heaven on earth for you, as I hope you’ll be my shelter and fortress from the pain of the world.
Maybe the reason why you haven’t found me yet is because you’ve taken a passive role in the hunt. I still believe men are supposed to be leaders. God made Adam first. Adam named all the animals. God gave him the instruction to avoid the fruit. Paul placed all responsibility of the fall on Adam. Adam named Eve. She was made from him. She was made for him. I know that sounds strange, but it’s true. By all means men and women are equal in essence, but we have different roles, and yours is to lead; mine is to respond. Everything went south when Eve started to lead (by eating the fruit) and Adam started to respond (by taking Eve’s suggestion to eat the fruit) .
My point is that I’m asking you to lead and initiate relationships with the opposite sex. Nowadays, a lot of women do the pursuing but that’s not what I am called to do, so if you’re going to find me, I won’t be one of those women. If I stole your role as pursuer, I’d be stealing from you the joy you receive when you’ve worked for something of value. By work, I mean work up the courage to put yourself out there and make your intentions clear to the woman you are pursuing. I know it’s hard to date right now. Women want equality and chivalry and it’s hard to figure out what that looks like. You may have been rejected or hurt in the past and have come up empty-handed but don’t give up; I promise I will be worth it.
I want you to know something else. I want to get married but not to a man who wants to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want to get married to a man who wants to get married to me and not just to the concept of marriage and the next best thing to do. Does that make sense? I hope you want me because you see something special in me, you see your missing half and you know I am the owner of your missing rib. I hope you don’t want me just to be an actress playing a role so you can fulfill a dream of getting married. I hope you can see yourself building a life with me. I hope that when we imagine our lives together, we imagine adventure and growth.
It’s just over a month before New Year’s Eve. I wonder who you’ll be kissing when the clock strikes midnight. I wonder who’s arms you’ll be in. I wish it was me. For me, Iāll be with my friends…yet alone. And I can’t wait till I can be with you to share that moment.
In conclusion, donāt give up looking for me. Don’t settle for āMiss Right Nowā because trust me, when I come along, you’re going to wish you were free to be with me. I don’t know what you’ll look like on the outside but I know you will be a man after God’s own heart. I know you will have integrity, courage, strength of character and respect: characteristics of greatness that I will wait an eternity for. I can honestly say right now that I’ve loved you even before I’ve met you because I’m waiting for youā¦
P.S. That chick you met at the club last week? You know, the one with the low-cut halter top and short skirt who also happened to eye your best friend? That wasnāt me
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Over the next few weeks Iām going to give you a bit of insight into my head about Living Life like Bridget Jones…i.e. Being Single and almost 30…
The life of a single woman is a whirlwind of contradictions. One minute you smaak a guy, the next you even forgot his name. One day youāre ārichā (pay day), the next youāre eating cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner (day before pay day)! One week you feel single and fabulous, the next you just feel lonely and mediocre…Trust me, it happens to the best of us. There is no real safety net for a single woman. No fierce protector. No knight in shining armour to swoop in and scare all the baddies away when weāre feeling down in the dumps. No protective cocoon to run to when weāre feeling our inner caterpillar is outweighing our inner butterfly. We are, quite literally ā single. Singular. Solo. Alone!
We have moments where we look at the red wine glass as half empty, then kick ourselves for doing so because weāre supposed to be this happy, positive bubble of joy and practice what we preach. We have Facebook stalking expeditions in which we scope out all our exes just to see how balding and ugly and miserable they are now, then feel somehow betrayed when they lookā¦dare I say it…good?
We have really brave moments when we kill an enormous spider or take out the trash on a Thursday morning and we do our little victory lap around the house high fiving our imaginary friends. We dance all night on the first Thursday of the month and then ace a presentation at work the next day going on nothing but a vanilla latte, a greasy breakfast and multi-vitamins. We face the condescending looks at family gatherings and weddings of friends when people learn that weāre not dating anyone and pat on us like weāre their pet and say: āOh, donāt worry. One day it will be your turn, some flowers just bloom later than others…ā (Uuurggghh! Donāt you just HATE that??)
We spend our money buying wedding gifts, gifts for baby showers and christenings, birthday gifts for the kids of all of our friends without batting an eye (because weāre mos the cool aunt), knowing that this might well be the closest we ever get to a gift registry. We lose jobs and friends and parents and loversā¦and sometimes have no one but our pillow and our journals to witness our tears.
We fall in love – deeply, madly, passionately in love ā and sometimes, they forget to love us back. Sometimes we love someone for years, without the other person even knowing we exist… (raises hand, so guilty of this). We suffer in silence, hoping against hope that one day theyāll not just look at us, but really see us and that theyāll not just want us, but need us you know? Like when will it be my turn kinda thing…
Sometimes life offers us a second chance to get it right and sometimes life just offers us a second chance to say goodbye. Sometimes even after all the hurt and all the waiting and all the hoping and all the wishing, for reasons beyond our control, it still doesnāt work out. Sometimes you just know you know the only way to be true to you is to let him go. And if weāre lucky, we have a best friend to reflect our hearts back to us and show us our strength when weāve lost our way ā because we get so consumed in a relationship, especially a toxic one, that we tend to lose ourselves along the way ā who inspires us to be a better version of ourselves. To walk our talk, to live up to a higher standard and to never lose the faith that someday, some way, amidst all the many frogs, our Prince Charming will emerge and sweep us off into our Happily Ever After.
But, living life like Bridget Jones is not all doom and gloom. There is a bit of good news at the end of the tunnel for my fellow Singletons…I mean, even Ms Jones found herself a Mr Darcy if I remember correctly. The good news is this, we are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day and we donāt back down. We accept that Admit 1 invitation to weddings, parties and anniversaries and in the process change our names to āArleenā (High 5 yourself if you get it). We donāt let the idea of going to a movie alone intimidate us. We donāt let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many women will never have to walk ā a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones, a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk.
You see, the journey of a single woman is not an easy one ā but we welcome the danger. We welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is. We pay our own way, we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed. Itās an unwillingness to settle, some kind of independence which stems from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look damn good doing it. Nine-inch stilettos and all
There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart; a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I. A confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall because each time we fall, life presents us with another opportunity to get up and move on. We realize a happy life is more important than a happy ending because whatās the point of settling down anyway when you donāt even have butterflies? Daar moet ten minste ān vlindertjie wees, of hoe? Besides, I donāt settle down, I settle up! And you know what, we donāt need a significant other to lead a significant life. And you know one day, our Prince Charming will find us and the great news is that we wonāt expect him to complete us but to compliment us…as I have stressed in a previous blog post.
I donāt know about you but Iām pretty happy about the fact that I can take a day off from work just to laze around in my pyjamas, watching series, whilst stuffing my face with everything thatās bad for me (thank God for my fast metabolism)! Iām ok with not having to shave my legs daily. And you know, Iām ok with breaking out in song, pretending Iām Melanie Amaro and Iām about to do the audition of my life, while sweeping out my kitchen on a Saturday morning. And the mere fact that I can immediately RSVP to a wedding/birthday party/anniversary/etc without having to ācheck inā first, is making me sleep a bit better at night too…only because the Broke Socialiteās diary fills up fast. Being 29, single and childless is really not the end of the world. But the thing that really grates my tits is that annoying question: āNow when are you going to find yourself a man?ā
Well newsflash: Iām not here on Earth to look for a man…Iām here to live my life and enjoy it. And while Iād love to eventually have someone join me on my journey, I refuse to settle down just because it is expected of me. Just because of my age. Just because everyone is doing it. Itās that simple really. Some kinds of FOMO is best left alone…
One of my favourite quotes from Sex in the City is this: āMaybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with.”
I am that wild horse…
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This last month or so has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me. This piece is going to be a bit of a rollercoaster too, but please bear with me.
This ongoing war inside of me has finally taken a break and Iām at the point where I can finally exhale. That said, the last month or so has also been so rich with colour and inspiration. I have met some wonderful angels, through social media and in real life, who have kinda helped me blossom into who I am right now:
A woman who is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with herself!
You may think āwow Reesie, thatās a pretty vain thing to say.ā And you know, you may be right. Maybe I am a bit vain (or āselfishā as I like to call it) but there is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish. If someone had told me like three months ago, that I would have experienced the emotions I have been experiencing, I would have probably just laughed it off. However, at the risk of sounding incredibly trite, I know I was put placed on this Earth to make a difference somehow, to be someoneās inspiration, to basically change a life (or two).Ā I just never had that āhowā part figured out.
But let me get back to my rollercoaster ā it was crazy! To a point where I even felt a part of me die a little inside. I honestly felt lost and helpless and I had a good old Bridget Jones cry about things that happened in my past, things that just didnāt fall into place, things that just didnāt add up in my life! I obviously didnāt speak to the world about it. Just my inner circle knew some of the emotions I was experiencing.
T.D. Jakes once said, āYou cannot have a private relationship in a public arena. You must look to an inner circle of people who really know you. Donāt expect to have that kind of intimate relationship with people who only know you publicly. Do not seek to be understood by the world.ā
The problem is I have always tried to please everyone. The problem with that is that itās obviously impossible to do that. No one person is the same, likes the same thing, etc. And it took me over 20 years to really understand that humans are a fickle bunch. But I found comfort in also realizing that people who know you, both your good and bad sides, and love you and support you anyway. People who encourage you to rise higher, be better. Relationships that connect you back to your most important values, like faith, love and compassion. I am lucky enough to have that inner circle. People who have seen both my inner beauty and my inner beast.
I made quite a bold step a couple of weeks ago which has changed my life. I also knew that I would lose people who did not have the same vision as me, along the way. Funny enough, I was ok with it. I think itās because I also expected it to happen. The only sad part was losing people Iād never expect to lose. People I thought had my back. But they turned out to be just passing through. Iām still grateful for them though because I believe you will meet two kinds of people ā lessons and blessings. I always give thanks for both. Both are needed for growth. I also realized that the reason I was ok with this ālossā was because they didnāt inspire me to be better, to aim higher, to dream bigger. They were keeping me back from reaching my full potential. They were only riding the waves, they didnāt help me weather the storms. But I want to thank them for the good and bad times, I want to thank them for affecting me the way they did but most importantly, I want to thank them for letting me go so that I can be better without them.
Then there are those who chose to stay in my life (and some were surprise renewals).Ā They stayed despite my moodiness, despite theĀ fact that my work sometimes takes over my entire life and then I blame my ADHD, and despite the fact that Iām a bit more selfish with my time. Iām sometimes not the easiest person to get along with, but they stayed. Thank you!
At the end of the day, itās not the quantity of your inner circle but the QUALITY of your inner circle, that matters. After all, if one wore diamonds on every finger, it would take away from the rarity and preciousness of the jewel. True, pure, loyal friendships like those that make up an inner circle, are as rare and precious as diamonds and should be treated as such. It only takes a brief run-in with a cubic zirconia to remember that!
Todayās lesson: Take an inventory of your friendships…today. It wonāt take much time or energy to ascertain which ones are surface and which ones are substance. Then take a moment to honour, celebrate and give thanks to those who belong in your inner circle. They will motivate you, encourage you, challenge you, push you and be there waiting to catch you if you fall. Theyāre the reason you can take the REALLY big leaps in lifeā¦because theyāll be the ones right next to you, screaming with you all the way down! If life is like a skydiving excursion, then your inner circle is the parachute.
To my inner circle (you know who you are), thank you for being the parachute in my life. Thank you for being the soft landing after this bumpy road. Thank you for accepting me, flaws and all…Thank you from the bottom of my heart…. āFriendship isnāt about who youāve known the longest…itās about who came, stayed by your side and never left you when you needed someone the most.ā
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Saturday saw a party in Cape Town with the hottest line up! Imagine seeing DJ Jazzy Jeff & Skillz, Euphonik, Hyphen, Pascal & Pearce, Mi Casa, Jack Parow, AKA and Dino Michael amongst others LIVE under one roof. I creamed my pants just looking at it. I felt that tingling sensation all over.
For a venue which can hold 40 000, I was very disappointed when I saw that approximately 2 000 rocked up. And Iām sure out of that 2 000, half were complimentary.
The event organizer clearly ran at a loss but nonetheless, it was awesome seeing all the live acts on stage and ending off my night rapping along with Skillz and then jamming hard to Euphonik. My feet were broken! But it was worth it.
Being in events myself, I weighed up the pros and cons. Yes, the date was wrong. But most importantly, the name of the event was wrong. The association kinda hindered many people from attending the event. However, in Johannesburg, this event wouldāve been a massive success. It made me think…why are Capetonians so cheap? If they canāt get something for free, then they want to get their panties in a bunch and say ānah, I wonāt waste my money on that because of this that and the other!ā Capetonians need to get out off that cheap mentality!! Thatās the ugly truth!
In Cape Town we can forget parties like the Castle Lite SubZero party. We can forget STR.CRD. We can forget another āClub Vibeā party. And then you sit and wonder why artists arenāt keen on performing in Cape Town. Like I said on Twitter, you wouldnāt pay R900 to go see Kanye West live so WHY should he waste his time coming here? How can Cape Town prosper if we are always looking for R10 parties ā imagine the creatures youāre attracting?
Itās not about āthrowingā your money away. Itās about experiencing! Seeing one of your favourite artists on stage is awesome! And if you donāt have the money, donāt go. Donāt sit on your ass and complain about how expensive the event is. You either pay up or shut up! Itās that simple really. How much do you think an event at the CTICC with 28 acts (local and international) is going to cost? R20? Think again…this is 2012! What is even sadder, the fact that our very own Ajax Cape Town has to sell their tickets at half price JUST so that people would attend.
But I digress…Club Vibe party: cons ā the name, the venue, the date. The pros ā the acts, the production, the fact that it was a 12 hour.
And before you jump on your high horse, there is a difference between entering a competition and asking for a freebie. So check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Iām done! *drops mic*
There is a saying that there are only two things certain in life: Death and Taxes. Everything else is a mystery.
Everyone that you know and everyone that you will ever know are not going to be around forever. Some will die and some people will just leave and never come back. Thatās the cycle of life. We go through emotions, thoughts, choices, sadness, happiness, sunshine, rain, heartbreak…and since we are all human, we have a lifespan and limited time on this planet.
Some people become great! But not everyone can be a Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa or a Florence Nightingale. Just like not everyone can be a George Bush II, Adolf Hitler or Robert Mugabe. And just to clear things up ā we need the good people just as much as we need the bad people. All about balance you know?
But then there are others who are just alive. All they do is stay afloat while life passes them by. Every day they wake up, go to work, do their job, go home and go back to bed. And yup, we need them too funny enough. They just exist; day by day and before they know it years and decades have passed them by. Now Iām not saying that what they are doing is wrong but what will their tombstone say one day? āHere lies John. RIP John.ā?
So these are my questions to you: What are you doing with your life right now? How are you making a difference, albeit a small one, in this cruel yet exciting world we live in? Why do you wake up in the morning? What inspires you?
It is so easy to get caught up in routines and responsibilities and turn into a robot. Wake up, get dressed, go to work, eat, come back home, watch TV, go to bed. Itās possible to get so stuck in this cycle that you donāt even think about other possibilities anymore. This is passive living, letting life pass you by while you switch yourself off. Is this really life? Do you want to lie on your death bed with a bunch of regrets?
One of my favourite songs by Beyonce is āI was hereā. The opening verse stuck by me:
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I’ll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won’t forget
There is no real recipe to happiness. However, I do think we should always be thankful. We should not take things or people for granted.
Accept that life owes us nothing but itās our job to leave this world better than we found it. And no matter how bad you think your life is, there is someone out there fighting a harder battle. Once you start counting your blessings, everything else will fall into place. There are people out there who are so poor…all they have is money. And that is sad. Once you give thanks for all your blessings, you immediately feel a lot happier and luckier to be alive. The realization of mortality and the fact that everything we are and have is not permanent makes it so much more enjoyable and respectable.
So, what message will you leave behind? When your time is up and you leave this planet, what is the message that you want to leave behind? What is it that you would like people to say about you or remember you for?
My dadās tombstone reads: āChanging lives; one person at a timeā because thatās exactly what he did. Every person who had the pleasure of meeting him, was touched by his authenticity, his faith, his good heart and I can positively say that many people who have met him, are living a little better than before. Iām one of his success stories after all.
Nothing is permanent. Nothing is promised. Nothing is owed.
So how are you going to make a difference in this world and are you enjoying the way you are living your life right now? If not, remember, itās never too late to make changes and take action to live the way you really want to live. Anything is possible! Just remember to leave the world better than you found it.
āWhere have all the good guys gone?ā my friend exclaims after yet another fail of a date. Apparently the hot stud at gym turned out to be nothing but a tuna brain with one thing on his mind: sex! He didnāt even bother to remember her name.
āIām done with men! Iām going on a sabbatical and becoming a nun. Or even a lesbian.ā She says the next week after ANOTHER fail of a date. āWhen will this woman ever learnā I wonder silently to myself as I awkwardly try and listen to the same explanation. Every week itās the same old story. And every week I always ask her: āWhy do you always go for the same type? Continuing saying yes to losers wonāt make you a winner babe.ā
Her reply: āBecause a bad ass man can have me anytime!ā (She then proceeded to click her fingers like sheās from the Bronx). And THIS is the mistake many of us make. We tend to go for the bad guy because he is exciting, wild, fun, adventurous and we forget about the gentleman in the corner who has been opening doors, buying us flowers, treating us like ladies regardless of all the unlady-like things weāve done in their presence (like hurling after one too many).
I have the pleasure of personally knowing some āEligible Bachelorsā and not only are they intelligent and successful but theyāre hotties too (in my opinion). Oh and most of them are living right here under the Cape Town sky.
Eligible Bachelor Number 1:
My ideal woman will make me want to be a better man. She is intelligent and sheās beautiful in MY eyes. In a nutshell, she is all the good bits of those who didn’t make it into my life, put together.
Eligible Bachelor Number 2:
The short skirt girls, who are all over the club scene dancing on bars, are NOT the kind of woman I want. Bodies are nice to look at but it is a temporary satisfaction. I want classy because that lasts. I would also like her to show some kind of interest in sport… Now that would really set off the fireworks. Also, a lot of men already know how to cook. Yes, we might not be the best at it, but we know how. So itās not a train smash if she can’t cook,Ā
I see it as a opportunity for adventure. Cook together, make it a special kind of activity. Keep the “spice” in the relationship.
Eligible Bachelor Number 3:
Someone who is not looking for a man to complete her. I canāt date half a woman. Someone who wants to be with you and is not just afraid to be without you. Someone you can share comfortable silence with. Someone who is able to chase their own dreams and still be supportive of mine.
Eligible Bachelor Number 4:
She laughs boisterously when Iām funny (and even when Iām not). She puts me in my place when Iām being childish but also accepts that I will do the same.
Eligible Bachelor Number 5:
1. Conversation. It’s important. Have an opinion. Be smart & funny.
2. She needs to be cool. Chilled. Don’t get upset about the little things. No drama!
3. She needs to have a career and show ambition.
4. Supportive. She’s got to show love.
5. I don’t like girls who dress slutty. There’s a difference between sexy and slutty. Put your fun bags away. The world does not need to see them.
6. She has to love sweating! Got to look after her health and physique. Not looking for skinny or fat. Just fit and healthy.
Eligible Bachelor Number 6:
You already know the answer to that question and if you still donāt, well then go look in a full length mirror and BOOM! Thatās it! There is my ideal woman standing. (no lie, this made me blush and smile at the same time. I even bit my bottom lip for some effect). Few things in life are more satisfying than having a beautiful woman who is educated both in bed and on the streets.
Eligible Bachelor Number 7:
Motivated. Sense of humour. Confident and natural (I donāt want a clingy and emotionally draining i.e. needy girlfriend). Adventurous. Respect goes a long way and itās a two way street. She must be intelligent and real. A woman and not a little girl. And no drama please!
Eligible Bachelor Number 8:
To me a relationship is a partnership. Iām looking for someone who wants me but doesnāt need me. Independent and trustworthy. She must be willing to grow with me, emotionally and spiritually. She must compliment the man I am. Laugh with me, cook with me and fight ninjas with me.
Yes, some of them are damaged…but then again, who hasnāt been burnt in the past? The walls are so high, I think I might just call in a favour and borrow Batmanās Bat Mobile to help break it down. Itās kinda scary too…and risky. But whatās love without risk and bravery?
However, what stood out for me was this: none of them said they want the girl from the magazine. You donāt have to be all thin, pretty and poppie-like. None of them said she must look like Mila Kunis or whoever you think the āideal womanā should look like. And they are also way over the Stepford Wife kinda woman.Ā Cooking is cool but not a necessity (and in all honesty, I think itās so much more sexier to do the cooking thing together, learning together, growing together…but this isnāt about me right now). These gents are looking for brains…confidence…sex appeal…honesty…and dare I say, forever? They want a wholesome woman who can stand on her own two feet. Who is confident in who she is. Comfortable in her own skin.
And I think this is where we as women get it twisted. We always put ourselves down and assume weāre out of a guyās league because he is intelligent, successful, ambitious, attractive and even somewhat famous. We think that we have to lie about who we are to ācatchā the man. Men donāt need catching. Hell, we are surrounded by all these gorgeous men and they are asking for so little and willing to give us more than what a bad guy will ever give us and yet, we overlook them. Because they are the nice guys. Has society screwed us up that badly?
After reading all the responses, it had me thinking. Iāve been selling myself short all this time. For what?? For someone who is afraid of committing to me? For a cheap thrill? And then I did something brave… I picked up my phone and in all my soberness (it was a school night of course), I sent Mr Scared of Commitment this message:
āI’m the kind of girl you commit to. I have flaws. I make mistakes. I’m crazy, I’m wild. But I’m also kind, loving and always up for a new adventure especially when I have someone by my side who I know I’d be able to enjoy life’s gifts with. And if you can’t accept that, then I guess it’s time to say goodbye without the first flower even blooming.ā
He is yet to reply!!!!
So ladies, look beyond what you see on the outside. Give every guy a chance to sweep you off your feet. Say yes to dates. Get out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to experience what itās like to be treated like the Queen you are. Create your own magic. BE YOU!!!! But if you are going to blow it, then your loss! In the words of Boys 2 Men: āGirl, donāt let real love pass you by!ā.
To my eligible bachelor friends ā thank you for participating in my survey and yeah, you guys have my number! Use it!
Till next time
*Follow me on Twitter @Reesiebabygirl
“I’m so tired of people needing a reason for doing everything in their lives. Do it because YOU want to. Because it’s fun. Because it makes YOU happy!” – (via Anon)
We live in a world where people judge you no matter what. People will go out and attack you for whatever reason. Every day you are faced with daggers from all sidesĀ because you maybe spoke a little too loud, or you were a bit too forceful with your opinion, and hell, maybe youāre just not liked by the popular people and apparently they received a memo that they are actually in charge. Ha! Who knew?
With Spring on our doorstep with a gift of flowers, butterflies, pink umbrella drinks and lots of sunshine, itās also the time of the year where the āRebirthā takes place. Itās a magical time for me. I look back at the year that was and I laugh at some of my silly mistakes and I also shed a tear for some of the mistakes that werenāt THAT silly… you know, the ones with the serious repercussions. I look back at the ones who have passed on, I toast to their memory and reflect back on my own life. What will the words be on my tombstone? Will the dash between my birth date and the date of my death actually mean something? Or will it only be a dash? I asked myself a few questions. Who am I? What am I? What is good and bad for me? Where am I going? What is my purpose in life?
I have only answered one of these 5 questions. The last one. My purpose in life is to inspire others. I love seeing others learn from me, seeing them smile, seeing them happy because I had a part to play in it. I genuinely beam!
With that comes a lot of risk though. Like I said, people will always try and break your spirit. Donāt let it faze you. Easier said than done I know but think about it, why do we allow menial things affect us? Stuff that we have no control over? Stuff that hardly influence us? Like the Woolies boycott. Weāre so quick to jump on band wagons and blow our trumpets….for what? Tomorrow a new story makes headlines. And then we jump on THAT band wagon again….just to fit in with the majority.
A life well lived will always involve both pleasure and pain. People are not always going to like you. You will have to stand up for your own standards and beliefs and only then, your true character will come to the fore. And thatās when the liberating Oprah A-HA moment gives you a snotklap! Youāll have the āOH SO THIS IS WHAT THE HYPE IS ABOUTā epiphany…when you do, let me know please. Iām not there yet.
People wonāt always agree with you. They will argue with you to get their point across and use disapproval and/or approval to try to influence your behaviour. Because both disapproval and approval are instruments of control that society used to create conformist behaviour. Youāre either a rebel or a āja-baasā. The challenge we face is finding a way to maintain our integrity without creating unnecessary conflict. And this my friends, is the hard part. Human beings are always on the defence foot. We always have our guards up because simple words can be seen as an attack method.
In a world of comparison and conformity, make your own statement. Honour your own truth. Have the courage to be yourself; risk speaking your own thoughts and claiming your own emotions.
Share your vulnerabilities, fears, doubts and insecurities…let others experience the real you. Have the courage to be yourself and realize that YOU are a wonderful person! And in the end we are all going to die anyway, might as well make the journey to the afterlife worthwhile!
This weekend, I have come to the realization (after speaking to my mother) that Iām on some kind of self-discovery path. Itās weird though because I never thought of it like that. I always just assumed the stuff that happen to me is supposed to happen to me because Iām apparently strong enough to survive it (thank you, more please?). Oh well…either way I still think I got the better deal, judging by my circumstances.
Iām finally doing the last stretch of my Saturn Return ā my growing up stage. Due to a bit of a rocky childhood, I never really experienced my teenage years like most people. I didnāt grow up (to be quite honest and frank). I wanted to always be liked by people, I thrived on recognition (still do), and I have always been hunting for that Noddy badge…like a child.
And this kind of behaviour has sorta spilled over into my 20ās and Iām afraid that it will reach my 30ās too. The sad part is that although itās nice to stay young forever, one tends to enter a relationship with that same child-like, immature mentality. Expecting, yearning, wanting…and this ultimately leads to disaster and disappointment. So imagine my surprise when this epiphany bitch slapped me awake one morning!
Itās human nature to care, to love, to give, to feel but the thing is, if we give freely, without expecting anything in return, thatās when we can walk away without the hurt or disappointment. But because we attach ourselves to this āgivingā, thatās when shit gets real. This is where we become insecure and over-think stuff that we donāt really have to waste our time on. We go and make dumb decisions like drunk dialling and expecting every guy to fall at our feet. We expect the guy we like to like us back because we *clears throat* slept with him (yes ladies, this is a fact donāt even try and deny it). We expect to be introduced to his family and friends even though our insecurities have made us crazier than Banana Cream Pie. So much so that we really do become like those crazy women men avoid and which ultimately sends them into a life of bachelorhood.
Standards…yes, thatās it. Standards. Something all of us should get. And then, we stick to them, regardless of how hard it is because he is oh so sexy and he gave us attention! NO! He should be happy that YOU (the gorgeous lady looking back at you when you look in the mirror),Ā actually gave him the time of day. As a woman, WE actually control everything. We are in charge of our own destinies. What we should realize is that we (ladies) choose them (men), not the other way around. And once we come to terms with this small fact, life should be a little less complicated. And our insecurities, doubts and over thinking just hinder us from really, truly enjoying this beautiful gift called LIFE!
No man will ever complete you…however, the right man will compliment you like no other. And Iām not talking about āoh you look so prettyā and āthatās a nice dressā compliments. Iām talking about the kind of compliment for when you walk into a room and people will immediately know you are his and he is yours.
Someone once said there is nothing sexier than a woman who oozes confidence and sex appeal. And Iāve also heard that thereās something about a woman who wants a man but doesnāt need him. Donāt be the needy girl…rather be the kind of woman that when a man speaks to you, he feels honoured that youāre giving him a fragment of your time. Your happiness lies in your hands, not anotherās. Take control, be happy and be free!
Itās true. Men love bitches.
A phenomenon Iāve long suspected but never had the chance to explore…because I am a nice girl (or a doormat like the book with the aforementioned title says). There are other books devoted to this subject too and I must confess, this little self-help gem is on the floor next to my bed. The advice is good and I do take in what the author is trying to say (with a pinch of salt of course) but when it comes to a guy I like, I canāt HELP but be nice, accommodating, kind, loveable which then leads to me being completely taken for granted i.e. the doormat.
According to this gem of a book, a woman should don her super bitch outfit in order to keep a manās interest. The premise is that the ānice girlā always comes across as too needy, too clingy and basically wonāt stand up for herself. The ānice girlā gives in to anything the man wants and in the end she lives his life, instead of her own. All this while the ābitchā (not bitch in a negative sense) is a woman who shows her independence and doesnāt let a man dictate how she lives her life, etc. etc.
Hold up! Wait a minute Ms Author Lady! Although Iām a nice girl, I can become a bitch too. I have my own life. I am selfish with my time. Gosh, I can even be a bedroom vixen if need be. And in all honesty, Iām not here to trick a man into dating me. Then I may as well go see a sangoma, pay a lot of money and feed him muti. Fortunately Iām not 50 shades of crazy and I have better things to spend my money on.
What happened to ājust be yourselfā? Ok, sometimes this can kinda send men running for the hills but I have a few strict rules when it comes to dating. And I actually DO have my own life which is pretty awesome right now and doesnāt need any complications BUT like I have said before ā people crave that other personās touch too. But I digress…
After reading this book I really wanted a manās perspective on this topic. Do you like the nice girl (because I was told on the weekend nice girls finish last ā and boy, donāt I know it) or do you like the bitch? Do you want a woman to run the show while you submit to her, or do you prefer the old school way of things? Right now Iām pretty confused as to what MEN want (and donāt even try change the tables here, this isnāt about us right now, we had a month of attention, your turn now).
Here are a few things the book says:
- Men donāt respond to words, they respond to NO CONTACT (meaning that instead of telling him every time something is bothering you and ānaggingā him about it, itās better to express how you feel by actions…or the lack thereof. Such as ācutting back your availability to him when he wants to see youā, or ānot calling him back immediatelyā and my favourite one āgo on a girls weekend away and donāt tell himā. HUH??? Guys help me out here ā this sounds more like she is pulling back…indefinitely. Also, this sounds more like a game and Iām sorry, Iām way too old for games.
- Hereās another one: How to convince him heās in control while you run the show. Basically you must let him think he is in control because then heāll automatically start doing things you want done because heāll always want to look like a ākingā in your eyes. Another part that confused the hell out of me: When you appear softer and more feminine, you appeal to his instinct to protect. When you appear more aggressive, you appeal to his instinct to compete. Hell! Now I am confused. Didnāt Ms Author Lady say I have to be a bitch? Canāt bitches take care of themselves? Because right now you are giving me tools to disarm my bitch mode and activate my damsel in distress mode. We canāt win.
Donāt get me wrong, Iām not mocking the book. There were some points that actually made a lot of sense which made me have an Oprah A-HA moment and I made mental notes. I am a nice girl, no doubt about that. I care too much, I trust too easily, I love too much. Thatās my downfall. But…Iām still standing arenāt I?
But…I’m curious as to what MEN think of this. Do you think it’s wise for a woman to not try to talk about things that are bothering her with her man and instead make him appreciate her more by making him miss her? Or do you want a woman who is always evasive, someone who goes MIA on the regular, someone mysterious in a sense?
Basically all Iām asking is this: Give us a little insight into YOUR world. What do we do that annoy you so much? And why do you run for the hills all the time?
Patiently awaiting your comments Gents
Johnny Depp once said: āWeāre all damaged in our own way. Nobody is perfect. I think weāre all somewhat screwy…every single one of us.ā
This is something I needed to get off my chest a long time ago. I just never knew this until I confessed it out loud. I surprised myself. Itās like I held my breath for years before acknowledging it and when I finally did, a wave of relief just washed over me.
I know Iām not broken and Iām definitely not crazy…I have just been deeply hurt. Weāre all just a bunch of damaged souls walking through life. But why did I self-diagnose myself with this horrible ādiseaseā? What has led me to believe that beautiful me is in fact, emotionally damaged?
As I told a girlfriend of mine, I have this thing that when Iām seeing a guy, I get to a point where I just want to know what is what. Give me the facts. Donāt waste my time kinda thing. Itās like once youāve been hurt, youāre just so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like and show interest in, is going to break your heart…and then I slowly but surely shut down emotionally because Iām afraid that I will get too clingly or needy or whatever it is girls do to men that makes them think weāre complete nutcases. So I prevent myself from going all banana cream pie on them and I shut down and build walls thus preventing me from feelings, emotions and anything else that could possibly send me back to the darkness that is Marvinās Room. I donāt do this on purpose though. I reckon it is some kind of defence mechanism. Once you let people in your most intimate part of your life, you donāt want to let them go…ever. The real kick in the stomach however is my little defence mechanism generally confuses the crap out of men and they end up running anyway.
Iām not crazy. Iām just a woman with wants and needs ā and no, not sexual. That is easy to come by and if I wanted it, I couldāve had it a long time ago. People (not just women) crave affection, attention, care and dare I say, love. Not the rush down the aisle love because I can actually wait for that. Iām talking about that lazy Sunday afternoon love. That āthe-world-stopped-existing-for-a-minute-coz-youāre-hereā love.
I just really suck at the stuff that involves moving towards something potentially serious. How much texting is too much texting? Do I make the first move? Am I moving too fast? Am I moving too slow? Am I becoming too needy? Maybe he just wants to open Pandoraās Box and leave…I wilt at the answers because I always expect the worst.
Iām so terrified of being hurt that Iād rather not even show a little bit of emotion…the ice queen, yes thatās what I was called once. I donāt see myself every saying āI think we should try for something moreā because I just let my own insecurities make it fall apart. Itās weird though, I tend to lose myself in the possibilities, fast forwarding the whole ārelationshipā in my head to see how it will end instead of just enjoying it for what it is. And thatās when I get scared. Iām very confident on the surface but deep down, Iām just so insecure.
Back and forth chats with my girlfriends help a little. I console myself with dark music that rips through my soul…and lose myself in writing. All my thoughts in my diary and when I read it the next day, I can just shake my head because yes Iām not crazy or broken but Iām definitely not emotionally well. Iāve reached a point where I almost hate letting people into my life because they always leave. Just like my dad. Yes I know youāre thinking now ādaddy issuesā ā maybe thatās what it is I guess. Damn, I canāt even explain it. I donāt know what Iām turning into. All I know is Iām losing myself in this huge mess I created for myself.
What do I really want? I want someone I can cook breakfast for. Someone who would in turn appreciate my efforts, appreciate me. I donāt need someone to save me…I just want to be wanted by someone I want just as much. Someone who wonāt bore me. Someone who is willing and able to knock down these damn imaginary walls. Someone who can stimulate me intellectually. Someone who is braver than me. Someone who will help me dump all this emotional baggage crap. And Iām not saying I canāt do it by myself ā donāt get it twisted. I just keep it with me because Iāve become accustomed to it by now. Itās all I know.
The truth is, everyone comes with baggage. Maybe we should just all find someone who loves us enough to help us unpack. Only then, we can be truly free…